What Happens In Vegas
by ShyKylee
Summary: Relationships don't always plan out quite as planned... Everyone goes to Las Vegas for John's 21st birthday while he's trying to woo a hot bartender, Dave and Jade have become entangled in web of mixed feelings and commitments, Rose seems to be the only one who has it all together... for now. DaveJade [main] JohnVris Post-Sbrub/Sgrub but they don't remember the game. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Homestuck, it's characters, and anything that look familiar is purely coincidental.**

**Warning: ****_Before reading thins or any of my works, you should know that I am terrible at updating because I rarely get inspired enough to write and I delete a lot of my stories if they don't get enough positive feedback. That means that if you don't like it go ahead and tell me but if enough people like it then I WILL continue._**

**__****That is all for now, enjoy the story.**

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Jade: Wake Up

The unmistakable red tinged light filtering through your eyelids is what signals you to wake up. You open your eyes before quickly closing them so you won't be blinded by the harsh rays peeking through your window. You squint one eye open and check the cheap alarm clock sitting on the hotel nightstand. Its noon and you were supposed to meet your friends for you cousin's birthday… 3 hours ago.

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"Shit" I groan, sitting up in the large bed before clutching my throbbing head. They're all gonna kill me and I can't really remember anything that happened last night... except maybe something about horns? I shake my head, which doesn't help, my hung over mind doesn't want to deal with trying to remember all the details of when went on the night before.

I glance over to the night stand and spot my phone next to the alarm clock. It seems like way to much effort to reach for it but I do anyways. Scrolling through it I have 37 new messages from Rose, damn. Most of them say stuff like "Where are you?" Or "Don't be stupid, you can't possibly go through with this." Seeing a repetitive pattern I just delete the rest.

I yawn letting my foggy brain convince me to go back to sleep. Lying down, I try to pull the (really comfortable at the moment) blanket up to my chin only to have it be pinned down by some other weight. I attempted to unpin it several more times before I look to my other side and see familiar platinum blond hair peeking out from under the covers.

"Fuck." I groan again. This is not what I had planned on happening during this vacation. I surrender the battle with the blanket hogger and climb out of the bed silently.

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Dave: Be Rudely Awakened

"Honk Honk…" says an unknown voice in the background. Everything is a flurry of random colors and sounds and the overall blurry appearance of the situation is making me dizzy. I'm here for a reason though, and that reason is enough to keep me standing here forever, even if someone tried to dump eleven tons of smuppet ass and plushy dongs on me. I would still stay for…

I scrunch my nose at the sounds and images echoing through my brain, like some forgotten memory trying to resurface. The scene is playing out in front of me like some shitty recording, blurry and jerky. The image is just coming into focus when a hard blow from an otherwise soft object drags me back into consciousness. I opened my eyes to see a certain, very angry, dark haired woman standing over me armed with a pillow.

"Damn Jade, I know I'm the most glorious sex god sent straight from heaven, but even Striders need their beauty sleep." I reach my right hand up to adjust my shades and try to keep my cool, only to not have them perched on their usual spot on my face. Fuck fuck oh shit, I must have lost them some time last night. I regain my poker face but simultaneously try to shield my eyes from her. It's not like it's a secret anymore I'm just still kind of self-conscious about my freakish eyes.

"Look Harley, as much as I love your abusive visits to my room, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave so I can get rid of this fucking hangover." Ugh, I can't even think about some ironic metaphors when it feels like Hephaestus is pounding on my skull. Huh, I actually hadn't even noticed the hangover until now, but it was still pretty fucking bad. I try to pull the comforter over my head to muffle out the rest of the world and allow me to succumb back to glorious, glorious sleep; only to have it yanked back by the raving mad best friend.

"This is my room fuckass!" She barks, yes barks. It's making my head split even more; I literally am surprised that my skull isn't open and my brains all over the room. Wow, she said fuckass, she must be really mad; usually she saves that one for special occasions. Of course I guess waking up hung over out of your mind with one of your best friends in your bed would count as a special occasion. Even if it's not the first time it's happened…

I dramatically roll off the bed and land with a thump on the ground. On second thought that really isn't the best idea with a killer migraine. Pushing myself up seems likes too much work right now but I do it anyways. I stand up a little wobbly at first before steadying myself against the headboard-wall thing, I'm really not that much taller than her, maybe by 6 inches? John was always the tallest, who of course pissed me off but at least I held second place in the height ranks.

I stretch high up over my head and cracked my neck to get all the kinks out, before finally realizing that Jade is wearing my shirt... and seemingly nothing else. It's way too big on her and fits almost like a dress, a really short dress. I can feel the heat rushing to my face so I bite my tongue and look to the side slightly to avoid turning as red as Karkat during one of his rom-com rants. I don't know why I always get so flustered like a stupid teenager around her. Maybe it's because she knows me better than anyone but she can always bring out that dorky kid that loves birds and can't swim… not that I'd ever admit that to anyone except my own subconscious.

"Hey, as great as my shirt looks in you, I still think I rock it better" I try smirking but know that I probably look like a strawberry douchebag. I feel like shit anyways so a bitch slap or two won't make much of a difference at this point. She starts walking towards me; oh shit I am solemnly vowing on the holy biblr of irony to never drink during vacation again. She's right in front of me right now so I prepare to block any attack she throws at me.

She just lets out an exasperated sigh and removes the shirt before throwing it at me angrily. Im not gonna lie, I am both slightly relieved and disappointed to see that she has been wearing a tank top and shorts underneath. I pull my reclaimed shirt over my head and decide to set out on the mission of finding my shades, seeing that she is already pissed out of her mind and my presence is just making it worse.

On my way out I can't help but spare one more glance at her. She's running a hand through her long hair and I notice something shimmer on her left hand. Unconsciously I comment "Nice rock." to lighten the mood before walking out the door finally. Damn that girl has got a set of lungs.

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Jade: Proceed to Flip the Fuck Out

NONONONONONONONO

That is NOT what you think it is. You flip you hand over and thoroughly inspect the object currently worn on your left ring finger. You prod your finger, twist it around, look at it in the light, oh fuck, it is what you think it is. It's a diamond ring.

You, Jade Harley, have gotten married.


	2. Chapter 2

Wow, okay. I finally finished this after like, months.  
Thanks to tumblr user itseyeglasses for being a beta!

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" How do you even know it was me? You could have gotten hitched to and old sap off the street!" For some reason the thought of that made you blood boil.

"Reason number one, I woke up in the same bed as you. Reason number two, neither of us apparently know what happened last night. Reason number three, we now have matching wedding bands."She walks toward you counting off the reasons on her fingers then grabs your wrist and waves your left hand in front of your face, which does indeed have a wedding band matching her own. "So unless we both tied the knot last night to completely different people and decided to play 'spouse-swap' I'm gonna assume that the presumably inebriated vows of matrimony were between us."

"Well shit." Is all you have to say. You are at a loss of ironic metaphors to ramble on about until everybody is so confused and the subject is changed. For the first time in your life you, Dave Strider, are speechless.

"Well shit." He says, rubbing the back of his neck.

"'Well shit'? All you have to say is 'well shit'. How do you think I feel bout this? I got married and probably slept with you last night and I can't remember a single thing. I missed John's birthday breakfast thing and he's probably pissed at me and..." Tears are threatening to spill out and you're doing your best to blink them away. "And everything is just all messed up and I don't know how to fix it."

"Jade-" Dave reaches out as if to try to comfort you but pauses when your phone rings.

'ROSE CALLING' is broadcasted across the screen as a popular pop song plays in the background. You press the green answer button and hold the phone up to your ear.

"H-hey Rose," You answer nervously. "What's up?"

"Oh, you know how it is a lovely breakfast... and John being nowhere to be found. The usual." She answers without skipping a beat.

"Wait, what! What do you mean 'nowhere to be found'? Wasn't he at breakfast with you?" You question frantically, running your hands through your hair and pacing across the room.

"Calm down Jade. No, he wasn't at breakfast but neither were you and Dave so we really cannot assume much on that account."

"Hehe... really? Dave didn't show up either, that's so weird..."

"Is it really Jade? Is it really all that strange that you and my brother both coincidentally missed the failed celebratory breakfast in honor of your cousin's 21st birthday? I'm sure there was no such event that happened to occur last night which would result in you two being together right now."

"So...so you know what happened last night?"

"Of course I know. After all, I was invited to be your maid of honor."

"Great... because I don't remember anything."

"Well I wouldn't ask for specifics. Unfortunately I was unable to attend."

"What..."

"I apologize but we really should focus on the matter at hand. Because John Egbert is still missing and we can discuss this later."

"Uhhh ok. So where was the last place anyone saw John?"

"I do believe that he was asked to be Dave's best man, so I thought it best to ask him but his phone must not be available so I figured he would be with you."

"...Yes. I will tell him and then meet you downstairs, okay?"

"Agreed. See you two lovebirds then." You swear you heard Rose snicker before the line went dead.

Her phone hit the bed at the same the same time as she did as she drew out an extended "bluh". You swear that bluh would have like eight u's.

You ask, "So, what's going on with Egderp?"

"John Egbert is missing." Jade replies but you could have guessed that much from the parts of the phone conversation you just heard, well as much as you heard before you stopped listening.

"Pfft. Leave it to windy boy to not show for his own party. He'll probably show up 15 minutes late with Starbucks just so he doesn't have to eat cake. Because of his stupid obsession with Betty Crocker and the fact that he claims she's his arch enemy like he's some lame comic book character with a cape and shit. Actually I would probably be the one to wear the cape, he'd be flying around with a windsock on his head or something." Where was this going anyways?

She voices your thoughts, "Dave what the hell are you talking about?"

"Nothing. So do we have any ideas on where blue boy could be hiding?"

"I have no clue but I guess we should check the nearest 'John-like' places. He couldn't have gotten that far."

"Yeah but we also got a side mission to think about, and that is finding my shades."

"Ugh, you and your damn shades! Is that all you ever think about the majority of the time?"

"Well excuse me if I was just being considerate of my best bro's feels, since he was the one who gifted those glorious shades to me even if it was for ironic purposes. I just feel like he would be a little disappointed to not see them perched on their usual heavenly pedestal that is my face."

"OMG, whatever! I don't care about your stupid shades right now, lets just go find John and deal with whatever the hell you've been rambling about later!"

"Harsh man, no need to rag on the shades. Do you always show so much hate for tinted eyewear?"

She screams storming out the door, "ARGH!"

He's just so infuriating and immature! Why did you, of all people have to be stuck with him? You mean sure he's one of the best friends anyone could ask for, but he's absolutely insufferable to be in a relation with. You don't know if you can handle the fact that you are legally bound to him, at least temporarily.

You just need to find John, fix this mess, and try not to tear all your hair out in the process. God, that's a lot of things to remember. Maybe you need some sort or color coded system to help you remember things. Oh man, you were thinking too much to pay attention to where you were going. Are you in a bar? Wait, is that…

"JOHN!" You snarl, storming towards him and the bartender he was flirting with. He looks around frightened for an escape from the crazy cousin that you have become. There is none.

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Thanks for reading.  
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